Work, Coming out and other issues...

Hey there gay-verse! How are you ladies doing?
ヘーよーレズビアン達様！！お元気ですか？

I've been okay - but as you can probably tell, really busy. I've even been too busy for Twitter recently! I know, it's a first. The thing of about teaching English in Japan - the hours. They're weird. So I find myself coming home and going straight to bed, waking up late and going straight to work. There's not really much time for myself these days... Not that I'm complaining - such is the nature of the beast.

アタシは大丈夫ですが、やっぱりとても忙しくて、最近ツィターでも時間がないです！ 本当に初めて。英会話の仕事って、時間が難しいです。すごく変だし、自分の時間なさそうです。家に帰って来て、すぐ眠ります。遅くまで寝て、そしてすぐ仕事に行くみたいな感じですね。文句じゃないだけどね！

In other news, my boss asked me the other day if I had a boyfriend. EEEEEEKKKKKKK! Honestly, I hadn't planned on coming out in the workplace at all while I was in Japan - not for the first three months at least. I originally planned on staking it out, feeling out my Japanese co-workers... you know. Knowing who my allies are. This question from my boss caught me so totally off guard - in any normal situation in the States, I would be all OUT and PROUD... but... I find myself clamming up when it comes to Japanese people. I know that being gay is a big taboo here, especially being out of the closet and able to talk about it something that is relatively a new concept.

最近、私の部長が「アリソン、彼氏いますか？」と聞かれました。きゃ〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜やばい！！！！本当に驚いて、こんなにカミングアウトするつもりじゃかったんです。まだ新人なので、後三ヶ月ぐらいちょっと仕事の感じを見ると思ったんですけど。。。カミングアウトについて、日本人はちょっと恐いですね。外国で全然問題ないと思うけど、やっぱり日本人とすごく緊張しますわ〜。日本でアウトもう出来た人は少ないと思いますし、同性愛者が世界にいると本当に日本でまま新しいアイデアと言います。

So I did what most lesbians would do in my situation, new at work, don't know who is gay-friendly or not... and I lied. I lied and said yes, I have a Japanese boyfriend - instead of a Japanese girlfriend. And you know what.... I feel HORRIBLE about it. Not only because I lied, but because my girlfriend was right next to me while I did it. A new kind of intense shame came over me...

だから。。。他のビアンみたいに新人で、仕事場であまり職場の人の気持ち分からなくて、ウソをついた。

「はい、日本人の彼氏がいます。」
実は日本人のすごく素晴らしい彼女がいます。

言えなかった。最悪な気持ちになった。ウソだけじゃなくて、私の彼女が側におったし。。。苦しい（＞＿＜）

One of my good friends once told me, "It's not your job to come out to everyone - you're not here to educate everyone - only the people you want to come out to. You shouldn't feel pressure." At the time, I felt really relieved - you know, she's right. It's NOT my job to tell the whole fucking world about my personal life - especially when I think it will cause me more trouble than good. But ... you see, I have this complex. I feel like somehow I've let everyone down by lying. I feel like it's my job, especially in Japan, to show everyone what a lesbian looks like, that I'm just as normal as they are, so maybe in that way, we can strive towards acceptance.


昔に、私の友達が行った事：
「あなたの仕事は世界にカミングアウトするわけじゃないよ。みんなにカミングアウトしなくっていいよ！特に悪い事になりそう時、だまってもいいと思うよ。だって、自分の事考えないと。。。」

その時、友達が言っていた事すごく信じていました。 確かに、この世界にいっぱい同性愛者に反対している人いると思います。自分の無難を考えないとダメですね。でも、やっぱり、日本人特にカミングアウトしたいです。本当のレズビアンのイメージを見せたいし、同性愛者は普通の人と分かってほしい。それでちょっとだけ、一歩一歩この世界を変えるでしょう。

And I missed my chance. My boss doesn't ask me anymore about my private life, and... well... I've missed the opportunity to be open at my workplace.
チャンスをミッスした！部長はアタシの事もう聞かなくて、もうカミングアウト出来なさそうです。ちょっと慣れて来たけど、やっぱり苦しいですわ。異性愛じゃないだから。

So what would you have done in my shoes? Would you have come out of the closet, even if you were only at work for a few days, and risk the wrath of your coworkers? Or even getting fired? Or would you have lied?

皆さん、 私だったらどうする？カミングアウトする？職場人が恐くても？首になりそうでも？ウソつく？

Urgh... life is hard yo.

が〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜生活は大変ですよ。